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If you ever visit Wichita, Kansas, beware that the worst drivers wait for you there. Personally I have lived in various parts of the country and been to various parts of the world - originally I thought California had the worst drivers, but I was all too wrong.

1) Apparently right-on-red doesn't exist as a concept

If you're behind someone with their turn blinker on, and they're turning right, they probably will wait until the light turns green to go. Right-on-red is completely legal in Wichita, but nobody seems to understand how it works, so be ready to wait a while, which brings me to my next point.

2) Stop lights seem to take at least twice as long as anywhere else I have ever been on this planet

I'm not even joking. Stop lights here are probably programmed the way they are so that the slow and retarded drivers aren't too confused. A two lane road with a stop light takes nearly 5 minutes in Wichita, while other places like California it's about 2 to 3 minutes, or even less.

3) Green means go

If you've ever seen that episode of Sliders where Quinn slides to an alternate universe where Red means go and Green means stop, then you might understand that's how it works in Wichita. Sometimes you can get stuck behind someone who will sit at a green light until it turns red again.

4) Nobody knows how to turn

In Wichita the idea of turning seems a bit lost on some people, they believe that you should come to a complete stop and hold up traffic for over a minute while they try to figure out how the steering wheel works. This also goes for merging lanes on the highway, people also tend to come to a complete or near-complete stop to merge at 60mph.

5) The merging thing also is a problem because in Wichita the people who design roads are retarded

It's true, the largest construction company here is "Cornejo", which means "dogwood" in Spanish; it's a shame because it's an insult to trees everywhere. In most parts of the country on and off ramps are fairly far apart, but not in Wichita. It's the exact opposite in this beautiful city. There is about two to three car lengths between the on and off ramps in most cases, even on the damn interstate. That means people are trying to not hit each other when getting on and off, and traffic slows down horribly, also because people are slamming on their breaks.

Regular ramps are also a problem, after driving all over the country, whenever I cross into Kansas the first traffic jams at off ramps appear because of how badly designed they are.

6) Speed zone means slam on your breaks to a complete stop?

In Wichita it does. If there is a speed zone or one of those school zones, instead of letting one's gas peddle and letting the car slowly go down to that speed (as one should) or mildly slowing down with the breaks, to people in Wichita it's OH MY FUCKING GOD SLAM ON THE BREAKS AS IF THERE'S AN INFANT RIGHT IN FRONT OF US! GAHRAHRHFAHE!

7) Nobody here can pronounce "El Dorado"

If you guessed "El Doh-rah-doh", you're correct, but oh no, not here. There's a city here with that name, and they insist that it's "El Doh-ray-doh". How stupid is that? I know this is off topic, but I had to say something. I've broken down to pronouncing the city as they do, but every time I do I make quotes with my fingers so that everyone knows I'm quoting others and that I'm not stupid enough to pronounce it that way myself.

8) Wanna get read ended? Come to Wichita

That's right. You see in Wichita people seem to think their car is spot welded to yours and they have to stay a hair's length off your asshole. People in California were bad about this, but in Wichita they'll not stop if you have to stop, and run into you at full speed. Being in Wichita, in no time I was rear-ended 4 times and almost rear-ended 5 other times, luckily they hit their breaks hard enough -- something they're surely used to doing at every exist ramp anyway.

9) 30 miles per hour speed limit on a high way?

That's right. In Wichita the city seems to believe that everyone still drives a model-T and that the maximum speed limit anywhere in the city is 45, but that is very rare. If you want to get to 50, you need to go way out of the city. The interstate is 60, and in most states it's 70. Even four lane highways here are 30 or 35 miles per hour.

10) Eastborough is the armpit of Wichita

There's a city within a city here as well, and it's all upscale. If you are driving along at 45 then all of a sudden the speed limit is 20, you're in Eastborough. Watch out, the cops here are real dicks and will ticket you for going 21.

What else can be said? If you come to Wichita, never go out on the streets.